easter and what not

So its been a long time since I have posted anything on here.  I am not doing anything too exciting today, just doing some spring cleaning, throwing things out, preparing a sale, and doing some laundry.  (On a side note it does not matter how much cleaning you do to your home and shampooing ect, if a stinky person who refuses to bathe lives with you, wherever they are will still smell!! ) so disgusting.. anyways..

I was taken off oxygen during the day a few weeks ago, its been nice to not be so tied down, but at the same time my blood pressure went through the roof and my oxygen levels drop at times and its pretty scary.  My doctors are hoping to be able to start worrying about my kidneys because now I am getting fluid around my heart.  Which is not good at all..  I have been in a ton of pain lately and I know people think I am being bitchy or whatever just because of a look I get on my face but I am still even tempered there is only so much I can do to hide the pain people..  I am sorry.  It just really upsets me when I am working my tail off and trying to have fun and just because I dont smile constantly I am being a bitch… seriously???  do you want to trade me..  you have golf balls come out of your pee hole daily and see if you can smile and get through the day..  The same people wonder why I never want to do things with them.  hmmm..  If I have a choice of spending time with people who are understanding and have fun, or spend time with someone who constantly tells me I am being a bitch and criticizes every move I make…  let me think????  oy vey!

On a happier note we had easter the other day.  The kids had a good time egg hunting and what nots.  They had some really cute baskets.  Joeys is shaped like a monkey and nathans is a robot and mjs is a bunny.  Unfortunately the birds stole 8 of mjs eggs.  I had never seen such a thing.. they werent even real eggs.  they were plastic purple eggs.  these birds kept taking off with them..  I think maybe they are just being too lazy to lay their own eggs? lol idk.. just a theory..    later on we all played different out door games and everyone took turns getting a ride on the motorcycle.  my uncle was very nice and while we were all playing games he fixed mine and my sisters windshields..  Another funny thing that happened was we all got these flavored bubbles and we were blowing them and what not and the dogs just went nuts.. they were jumping trying to catch the bubbles.. lol  saddie our rott just loved it.. 

as another side side note lol..  some people who I was friends with years ago contacted me two weeks ago, wanting me to hang out and all this stuff.  I am not sure what to think.  I know people can change but some of these people did some pretty horrible things that I can not just forget.  It caused many changes in my life.




So I guess this more of a prayer than a blog. 

Please god do not let me become one of “those people” one of the ones that can’t ever be happy.  It’s like everyone tries their hardest to get the person what they ask for and they will find anything to be miserable and try to make others the same way.  I do not know what to do about it.  I have tried explaining it to those people who are like that, but they just don’t get it.  They don’t understand how they are killing more than one person from the inside out.  Stuff like that just wears you down. 

It just bugs me to see people being drained of everything.  I am letting it happen to me.  Just little things at a time I noticed it the other day. 

Most of you who read this and don’t know me very well would not understand…  I have a weird thing about Llamas.  the animal not the spanish word.  any time I would see them I would get excited and yell “Llamas!!!!”  I drive by two places in the north that have them.. lol..  Now I just kind of look and nod.  Other things used to make me smile and now I don’t even listen to them or anything.  I can barely stand the thought of music right now.  That used to be the one thing I loved more than anything.  I guess I don’t know how to fix it. 

Anyone have a suggestion??

The way it is


I wanna walk with you on a cloudy day. 
I wanna kiss you in the rain
Feel every drop hitting our faces
I wanna wake up with the rain fallin on the window
I wanna be safe, held in your arms
Thats just the way it is

I see no changes
I wake up in the morning and I ask myself
Is life worth livin, should I blast myself
I’m tired of being here
I want to kick some rear
I’m tired of hurtin
tired of blurfin
Thats just the way it is

I hope we dance in the rain
I hope we play in the ocean
I hope we take chances
Thats just the way it is

I will do the dishes, while you go have a beer
Dance your cares away
worries for another day
Livin on sponge cake
where’s the damn salt
Thats just the way it is

You’ve got a hot face
We’re goin to your place
You fuck so good
Its really good
To hear your voice
Sayin my name
When I dream
It’s about you all night
Thats just the way it is

We stand still in time
We drink our wine
In this crazy life
through these crazy eyes
you are my everything
thats just the way it is