Bustin’ out!

so I am still in the hospital in Iowa city right now as I write this blog, however I could be going home tomorrow.  I am both excited yet terrified at the same time.  I am excited to be able to see people I care about everyday, but what sucks is I have started caring about some of the people here so much and I am going to miss them.  There are so many people here that are just so awesome!!  🙂 I had a goal to beat my uncle to my moms house lol, he will be back on July 2nd.  Looks like I might get there… 

I am terrified to go home because there is no panic button there, and nurses to run in during the night when the alarms go off if I stop breathing.  Here if my heart rate gets to a certain point an alarm and red lights start flaahing and people run in and fix the problem.  Being alone at home with the dog a cute as heck black lab but what is he gonna do besides piss himself and leave a mess for me to clean up??!!!  I wasn’t so scared till this sleep study guy basically told me that even if I lay a certain way in bed that I will have a stroke and die in my sleep.  Which is a contridiction to what everyone else has said which is that I am doing so well.  of course he also said if you lose more than 2 lbs a week there is possibly something wrong. and everyone else says its because I am working so hard.  I am working my tail off!! Everyday I push harder and farther!  there are days where everything hurts but I push through it and keep on moving!  There is so much life to live and i wanna live it! 




The moon went down, and the sun came up, sounds of coughing coming from … oh ya me!  I would give anything for real sleep, you know the cuddly don’t want to wake up, snoring so loud your neighbors hear it, SLEEP!!!  I coughed from the moment dinner ended last night clear up until around 7:30 am.  I have had several cough attacks since then.  I have been on the go all dern day.  When I could have rested I couldn’t because again…  cough cough cough.  tried cough suppressant.. nope.  cough drops… nope..  other recommendations from people who have had the same problem.. nope…  Tried taking stuff from the doctor all that did was make me worse!  I am coughing so hard that I nearly get sick.  Sometimes I do get sick!  Sorry mom for getting sick in your drive way!!!  I am not sure if it helped or if it was coincidence however, I had a large cup of coffee around 7:30 this morning and I stopped coughing for nearly two straight hours!  woo hoo!! 

The reason I am ranting is I am hoping that maybe someone out there has a suggestion for me?!?!!!!  Any and all suggestions welcome at this point.  I have been sick like this for over a month now and it is just miserable! 

WARNING: some of you will find the next part of this blog very disturbing!!!
Not sure if this is a cold symptom or not, however, no matter how hard I try I can not stop thinking about my boyfriend.  Not in a normal kind of way… (blush)  I keep thinking about his man parts (to keep this pg).  I keep sitting here thinking OMG there has got to be something wrong with me.  OK. changing subjects, well kind of… 

It seems like everytime I am trying to get homework done or look something up there is always some random porn hidden in there..  It’s just nasty, if I had wanted to look up porn I would have looked up porn.  I personally do not care for porn.  Seriously though I was looking up things on religion and something came up about a girl and her.. anyway!!!  WTF!  These people seriously need to knock their shit off.  People who want porn will come looking for you all ready to go ok..  Leave your shit where it belongs and quit trying to leave porn fricken comments on my shit!  I do not want to check out your photos! 

OK WHOA!!! Sorry that I went off there..  tee hee..  I am kind of grumpy. 

Dude.  I have to tell you people how awesome my mommy is..  I had something weird happen with my account that will take up to a week to figure out so she freakin made sure I had food and everything and went way above and beyond for me.  She is so awesome.  I got fruit and granola “I am as happy as a tornado in a trailor park”(mator) lol..  I love that quote, it just gets my funny bone and giggles me every time. 

I think the dog is out to get me today.  Every time I go anywhere in his vacenity he tries to knock me down and jump on me.  Poor guy got in trouble.  I was getting some stuff from outside and he got all excited and wanted to come out there with me, but it was all icky out so Zach made him go to his room.  It was so cute all weekend last weekend everytime he knew he was in trouble or whatever he would come sit in front of me and have the big pouty look trying to fit his now bigger body under my legs..  thinking I would protect him.. lol I did a couple of times.  He wasn’t really in trouble mom just wanted him to calm down a bit.  Gotta love the little guy.  Well he’s not so little anymore.  Every week he gets bigger and bigger.  We were doing a scrap book and when he first came home he was this tiny little guy now just his head is that big. 

Well that is an insight to my life today…