People and Crud!

The call

I saw the doctor on X-mas eve in the afternoon, I had blood work done and my anemia has gotten far worse.  Rather than sending me to the hospital I begged her to let me enjoy X-Mas with my family, so she sent me home with the worst possible test you could have to do in the world.  It is horrifying and I refuse to ever do that myself again.  Every time I had to do it I got sick!!!! 

sick

Just before new years I had to go to the doctor again and turn in this test and have blood work done again.  The test came back with some bad results.  I am still waiting on the results of the blood work.  My doctor was waiting to decide her next course of action when it comes to me. 

She thinks I might possibly have Chromes disease.  (sorry if I spelled that wrong) So I am going to be tested for that and other things she is just trying to get a second opinoin on what they want to try first before they put me through all of that torture.  She explained to me what they have to do to test for that and I cried and cried and cried.  I really do not want to do this!  I just wish I could wake up one morning healed! 

Good news though the pills that I am taking to get the fluid off my legs and what not are definately working.  Not that you want to know but I pee constantly lol.  Course it doesnt help that my mother who is convinced that I can wash away all this bad by drinking water gives me a 64 oz cup of water and has me sit there and drink it then continually fills it back up!  I have officially lost 35 lbs. since thanksgiving.  I have to say it does feel better and I can walk around quite a bit easier. 

I have been extremely tired, but my doctor told me I need to be resting.  I slept nearly the entire day before dec 30.  I just have nothing left to give.  I have never had this happen before where my whole body is so tired that I sometimes can hardly speak.  It is very painful.  I push and push and push to get myself to try and keep up with normal healthy people. 

I just wish more people would understand how it feels for me every single day that I wake up.  Everyone thinks they have the answer.  None of the people that think they do have ever had medical training at all.  Most of them barely passed high school! 

I had a huge melt  down one night because I am sick of people treating me like they know and telling me what to do.  Trying to get me to go against doctors wishes.  Yes I am more than happy to help people out who have been helping me, but don’t try to tell me to do things that are going to put me in even more pain.  I have barely been eating half the time because I just end up getting sick anyway, and here these people are eating heaping plates and having two or three plates full and sweets after that, telling me I need to excersize more and all this, keeping in mind I had been doing things for them all day long and had not sat down most of the day.  I cleaned their bathroom, did their laundry, took care of their animals, did their dishes, and cleaned two other rooms in their house.   So yes I was very tired by that point.  My sister was too, she was getting all the pet hair off of everything and it took her most of the day.  I am not even supposed to be doing the things I have been according to my doc because it could make things worse.  And hear he is wanting me to do even more than that.  Then on top of things everyone else just kind of sat there and basically I was told I have to just deal with him being rude to me and treating me like crap because sometimes he does nice things for me.  ok! 

So if this guy buys me a rose tomorrow then the next day decides he wants to beat the crap out of me is that ok too???  I mean he did do something nice for me! 

I blew up!!!!!!  Right then I just sat there and wished I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.  I am tired of being put in the middle of things and sticking up for people but no one having my back when it comes down to it.  I am tired of being so fucking sick all the time and no one really caring about it, just wishing I looked different.   

I wish I looked different too, and you know what I am trying which is more than most of the people around me are doing while they are shoveling more and more food in, and sitting on their butt in their room eating everything that doesnt eat them first!  I just can’t take this anymore.  No one really knows what it is like to be me.  To have doctors sit their and tell you at age 26 and 27 that you could very well die from this.  To feel your body dying from the inside out. 

I truly think people know when they are dying.  You can feel it.  Not that anyone wants to hear this because most people are in denial about what is going on with me.  But I guess its time that people open their eyes and be for real before its too late.  I am not going to tip toe for people anymore.  I need to take care of me the best I can and start listening to my doctor so I can be alive as long as possible.  I do not want to die at age 27 people!!!  I am not asking for a lot here I just want people to understand when you do things like that and put me in the middle of Unnecessary things my blood pressure goes way up.  When I do things I shouldn’t be doing I am putting more strain on my kidneys.  My heart starts to pound and pound and pound and feels like it will pop straight out of my chest and hurts like the devil. 

Yes I do enjoy walking around the store or the mall or even outside when its not too icy or too cold. 

I have been having spiking high tempertures so when it is that cold I don’t like to be outside because it tends to make things worse!  My friend used me as a heater because she was cold yesterday and I had such a bad fever that people could feel the heat off me from just sitting near me.  Your welcome Marie!

I am sorry for ranting on but these things need to be said and since the people that I am referring to won’t let me talk or explain things I guess you can see it in writing if you still don’t get it after that I might just stop coming around you because I have to start thinking about those kinds of things and doing what is best for me for a change. 

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~ by skeys1981 on January 4, 2009.

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