Hookers (does anyone understand them?)

I am listening to this song called Single Again by Trina.  There is a part in it that says “I’m single again back on the prowl!”  The girl who has this on her profile as far as I am aware has never left the prowl.  It is always humerous when some dumb slut hooker gets dumped for hookin up with everything that moves cuz somehow its everyone elses fault.  She got dumped and she is all about him being the dumbass and how hes not perfect bla bla bla..  Well he wasn’t the one sleepin around now was he???  dam..  What is with girls like that???  They want the guy to be with them and loyal to them but at the same time they want more than one guy to be like that.  This girl has atleast three guys that she expects to not be with anyone but her or she gets pissed.  Well why can she sleep around but they cant even talk to another female??????  She is a hooker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I know what you are thinking (does she get paid for it) Well hows this the three guys are also expected to pay bills when she has spent all her money on alcohol and other inappropriate things.  Buy her clothes, and anything she wants when she wants it.  None of them live with her.  She is allowed to go out to the clubs but they should stay home and not do anything.  I dont know there is other stuff too but I can’t say on here cuz its pretty out there.  Anywayz..

The thing is she is not the only girl I know that is like that.  I am friends with the chick and the dude in these situations and I don’t know what to do because when I try to talk to the chick she thinks I just want her man or she thinks I am being a bitch.  I am sitting here thinking ewe….  For real EWE…  not to mention I have a man and I wouldnt dream of doing anything with another man while I am with him.  I love him completely I would think that is obvious.  I just wish these girls would make up their dam minds.  I completely understand people who are just dating or whatever and both people are able to see other people.  That I understand.  but one person being able to do whatever while the other gets yelled at for going to a gas station with a family member..  That is just dumb. 

ok rant over..

look at this cute pic of my kitties..


I am tired of it.  I am sick of my life and pretty much everything in it.  FUCK you!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK…  I hateeeeeee you you dum mother fuckers.  leave me alone..  sorry I have to rant a little sometimes here so I dont say something and get my ass beat down or something worse.  I really just want people to stop bothering me and leave me alone though.  These people have been starting shit with me for the past two and a half years.  I would love to able to go back to the days when I could feel safe walking alone at night.  I would love to be able to hang out with people again and not worry about wheather they are going to run their mouth or if they are back stabbing ass munchers.  There has been atleast one person who has come crawling back so to speak but how can I ever trust you again€?????  How??  I mean seriously.  Would you trust me if I had said and done all those hurtful things. 

Would you ever even look my way again if I knew you were going to be physically harmed and did nothing and even encouraged it a little???  Well what if I had called you all those names…  Or what if I said that you did the things you accused me of that has cost me everything………  It is bullshit!!!!!!!

I just want all this nonsense to be over.  I have done nothing to you people I have avoided places purposely to not start shit with you.  I have kept quiet even after all that has gone on all your dark secrets all this time.  I still even after all this make sure that you are ok and taken care of I always wonder why I do that but I do it anyway.

What will tomorrow bring me?

Today I turned on the tv to hear about Estelle Getty dying.  She played the older lady Sophia on Golden Girls.  When I saw that it was like hearing that my grandmother had passed away all over again.  I was already really down anyway for reasons that are completely complicated and most people would not understand. 

There are just so many shitty things going on right now and it sucks ass.  I just want someone to be there for me.  Someone who wont say anything and just give me a hug.  I had that this week from the most unexpected person.  Its weird because the person wasnt really there for me but ended up being a great comfort and I appreciated their company.  What sucks is the person is continually rediculed since then.  I dont know what to do.  He is always there to listen and shows his face when he knows or thinks its needed.  I understand that sometimes to some people it may not seem like a lot but to a person that can be on the outside of that it means the world to see that someone would do that.  I can be right next to someone at times or very near and not get even close to the same gesture.  All I get is more drama thrown at me.  Someone was supposed to be there for me this week, when I need them the most and completely lied and bailed on me.  I had appoints that had to be called last minute to be cancelled, and after this people stopped returning my calls thinking that I was the one being flakey when it wasnt me at all. 

Here I sit continuing to get worse and not knowing what to do about it.  Pain is taking over nearly every inch of my body.  I try so hard to remain ok with it and be happy and smile but even a small kid sitting on my lap is excrushiating!  I know I get very short tempered lately, but I can not help it I feel as if my head might explode half of the time, and that my heart is going to pound right out of my chest.  I start to panic at times and go to the restroom to try to calm down and usually end up getting sick.  I haven’t kept anything down for a couple days atleast now.  I dont know what to do..

I didn’t disappear

I know it’s been quite a while since I have written, but a lot has been going on lately to distract me from any and everything.  I have recently seen someone go above the law..  having their friends all lie for them while the cops search their house for something they had only moments before.  Yes he had his friend take it and pass it off to another friend who gave it to a cousin.  Maybe he shouldn’t run his mouth in front of me if he doesn’t want people to know these things.  He continually violates his probation but aparently thats ok.  Just ask his mommy.  Its ok for him to abuse minors, his neices, nephews, sister, sisters friends, and other under age girls that he tries to fuck and then gets tired of, not to mention co workers.  Its ok for him to be loud and obnoxious and wake everyone up at 3 and 4 in the morning or on other days keep them up that late.  Its ok for him to rip peoples clothing and break things and steal stuff.  Oh you dont beleive me just ask his mom she will tell you..  cause he is her number one!!  its even ok for him to yell and scream at her and throw her around.  Its also ok for him to take a visitation with his daughter then not pay attention to her the entire weekend.  Never pay a cent feeding or clothing her. 

Yes I watched someone get banished from their family and kicked to the curb with her kids because her and her child got abused by a drunk.  Everyone took his side of everything.  I still want to know why.  I mean ok if it was you and your kids would you still feel the same way?  Would you take a stand or a side?  Well I am going to tell you one last time if none of you do anything about it, I am going to.  You have one day.  If anything else happens to any of those kids or her or me you might as well know right now everyone knows about everything.  There are pictures that have been sent to other people of all the things that have gone on, I guess if you don’t believe us you can see them. 

I guess if you guys want to play it like that though and kick out the person with the bruises I can make everyones life hell.  I can see mama go down with the dumb prick for being an assessory.  And many many other things.  Oh I dont know like the scars and bruises that her ass has caused as well that we also have pics of.  I warned them not to ever piss me off and give me a reason to turn them in I told them straight to their face if they never give me a reason to I would keep my mouth shut.  Well if you guys focus for a moment…  all I would have to do is leave copies of every picture I ever took with his babies mama and he would be gone………..  I guess why the fuck does he care if he gets his daughter or not he never takes care of her unless people make him, and then it pisses him off that he is being made to.  He can be right here and will make someone else bath her and feed her and put her to bed and dress her..  He can just be watching tv and will refuse to take her to play even when its him she wants.  Going out with his friends for all hours of the night is usually more important than making sure she gets to bed.  Getting laid by random girls in the basement is his other thing thats more important and spending all his money on cases of alcohol every night is more important than making sure her needs are being met.  What the hell are you guys gonna do when everyone is gone??????  None of you do your own laundry, you never help cook, your mom when she absolutely has to will buy some food, but usually doesnt.  Neither one of you know how to clean anything even if you made the mess.  before they all lived here you had the kids come down for the weekend to do these things for you.  Well I guess whose going to do it when you never see them again?????  Again I would like to ask why the hell would we let them come and visit you after everyone is gone?  So they can get abused again?  I’m gonna have to go with a no on that one.  A wise man once and many times said “hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me!”  don’t know if you selfish bastards remember him or the things he said in the past, but I will never forget.  He was a great person and possibly the best person you had in your family.  You guys could have learned a lot from him, you could be a great person like he was if you wanted to be.  I will say this Scott is also a great person that people look up to and you guys should listen to more often.  I do wish he would stop and listen sometimes, but I understand him not wanting to be in the middle of things.