Today I feel like a baby duckling.  Its all rainy out to the point where you can barely see anything in front of you.  That isnt the reason though.  I am in desperate need of direction.  One of my classes I need some real help with.  I keep thinking I am doing it right and getting it done but then I get the feed back from the instructor and she treats me like a retard like how dare I think that was what she meant by what it said.  for example an assignment said to give the definition then an example so I looked up the definitions put them in my own words and gave examples…  what she really wanted was for us to make up stuff about what the word could be however it did not say that in the directions even though whenever she yells at me she says to read the directions well bitch that is what I am doing and its not in there!!!!!!  I did exactly what it says……

That is not the only thing I need help with.  I think I need help with life in general.  Just when I think things are ok in my relationships with people things bomb out.  The rest of my life is lived like I am waiting for a bomb to drop.  Always fights and if its not this its that and I just want to punch people in the fucking face.  I am so sick of hearing about how every fucking thing is my fucking fault and I am their “favorite person”.  I am tired of people condoning disrespectful fucking kids.  FUCK!!!!!!!!!  maybe someone should stand up and take the mother fucking blame.  maybe the dumb pecker wood shoudl do what he is told and I wouldnt get pissed at him.  or maybe he should place the blame where it really lies..



So we are sitting here watching the mist.  We are babysitting a little girl and she gets all upset so I try and find anything I can to cheer her up.  I look up dora on youtube and lol omg…  there are so many wrong things people have done to that poor character.  They had one where she did the soulja boy dance and everything with that whole song.  Then there was one that some guy would say nasty things instead of what she normally says on it.  lol…  That one was funny as hell though. 

 Its been a hell of a day.  Talking to people that I never thought I would talk to again.  It was just weird and kind of uncomfortable now that I think about it.  anywhozers…

My computer keeps on messing up.


I tried to make this recipe of my sisters for dinner didnt turn out quite right but it was ok I suppose.. 

God I am so scatter brained.  Sorry people.  I am going to get off of here before I scatter anymore.



The moon went down, and the sun came up, sounds of coughing coming from … oh ya me!  I would give anything for real sleep, you know the cuddly don’t want to wake up, snoring so loud your neighbors hear it, SLEEP!!!  I coughed from the moment dinner ended last night clear up until around 7:30 am.  I have had several cough attacks since then.  I have been on the go all dern day.  When I could have rested I couldn’t because again…  cough cough cough.  tried cough suppressant.. nope.  cough drops… nope..  other recommendations from people who have had the same problem.. nope…  Tried taking stuff from the doctor all that did was make me worse!  I am coughing so hard that I nearly get sick.  Sometimes I do get sick!  Sorry mom for getting sick in your drive way!!!  I am not sure if it helped or if it was coincidence however, I had a large cup of coffee around 7:30 this morning and I stopped coughing for nearly two straight hours!  woo hoo!! 

The reason I am ranting is I am hoping that maybe someone out there has a suggestion for me?!?!!!!  Any and all suggestions welcome at this point.  I have been sick like this for over a month now and it is just miserable! 

WARNING: some of you will find the next part of this blog very disturbing!!!
Not sure if this is a cold symptom or not, however, no matter how hard I try I can not stop thinking about my boyfriend.  Not in a normal kind of way… (blush)  I keep thinking about his man parts (to keep this pg).  I keep sitting here thinking OMG there has got to be something wrong with me.  OK. changing subjects, well kind of… 

It seems like everytime I am trying to get homework done or look something up there is always some random porn hidden in there..  It’s just nasty, if I had wanted to look up porn I would have looked up porn.  I personally do not care for porn.  Seriously though I was looking up things on religion and something came up about a girl and her.. anyway!!!  WTF!  These people seriously need to knock their shit off.  People who want porn will come looking for you all ready to go ok..  Leave your shit where it belongs and quit trying to leave porn fricken comments on my shit!  I do not want to check out your photos! 

OK WHOA!!! Sorry that I went off there..  tee hee..  I am kind of grumpy. 

Dude.  I have to tell you people how awesome my mommy is..  I had something weird happen with my account that will take up to a week to figure out so she freakin made sure I had food and everything and went way above and beyond for me.  She is so awesome.  I got fruit and granola “I am as happy as a tornado in a trailor park”(mator) lol..  I love that quote, it just gets my funny bone and giggles me every time. 

I think the dog is out to get me today.  Every time I go anywhere in his vacenity he tries to knock me down and jump on me.  Poor guy got in trouble.  I was getting some stuff from outside and he got all excited and wanted to come out there with me, but it was all icky out so Zach made him go to his room.  It was so cute all weekend last weekend everytime he knew he was in trouble or whatever he would come sit in front of me and have the big pouty look trying to fit his now bigger body under my legs..  thinking I would protect him.. lol I did a couple of times.  He wasn’t really in trouble mom just wanted him to calm down a bit.  Gotta love the little guy.  Well he’s not so little anymore.  Every week he gets bigger and bigger.  We were doing a scrap book and when he first came home he was this tiny little guy now just his head is that big. 

Well that is an insight to my life today…

translation please..

I have recently discovered that the words “bleep bleep” can mean so many different things.  I was trying to tell someone something about Tevo


and made a gesture with my hand towards the T.V. then said “bleep bleep”.  The first person thought I was talking about a car alarm and the second person thought I was talking about the sounds coming from watching the show Jerry Springer.  I kind of had to laugh, because immediately I could think of about a million things that make about the same darn noise.  My mind is just chaotic that way.  Isn’t the English language fun? 

The way it is


I wanna walk with you on a cloudy day. 
I wanna kiss you in the rain
Feel every drop hitting our faces
I wanna wake up with the rain fallin on the window
I wanna be safe, held in your arms
Thats just the way it is

I see no changes
I wake up in the morning and I ask myself
Is life worth livin, should I blast myself
I’m tired of being here
I want to kick some rear
I’m tired of hurtin
tired of blurfin
Thats just the way it is

I hope we dance in the rain
I hope we play in the ocean
I hope we take chances
Thats just the way it is

I will do the dishes, while you go have a beer
Dance your cares away
worries for another day
Livin on sponge cake
where’s the damn salt
Thats just the way it is

You’ve got a hot face
We’re goin to your place
You fuck so good
Its really good
To hear your voice
Sayin my name
When I dream
It’s about you all night
Thats just the way it is

We stand still in time
We drink our wine
In this crazy life
through these crazy eyes
you are my everything
thats just the way it is

In days of old..


It’s so weird how things go from being the coolest thing in the world, to the biggest embarrassment you ever knew, then around to being cool again, but you can’t get past the embarrassment to like it again.  Baggy sweat pants, back in the day were referred to as hammer pants.  I had a pair of gold ones.  LOL!!  I thought they were the coolest things in the world.  I must admit that yes I own a pair of baggie sweat pants (but no Reebok’s with straps sorry) I probably would have never even thought to buy them, but my mother gave them to me.  Everyone should have a pair they are so comfy!  Now I am just waiting for new kids on the block 2vhu4n7.jpg

When that happens I will be in heaven.  LOL!  I am such a geek!