and one is doing trail crew for a boy scout camp. 

It is very quiet around here.  My brother is staying and has become best friends with my friends daughter.  The dogs are not used to the boys not being here so they have been moping around here all day. 

 I honestly thought one of them was sick until someone pointed out that she is just doing her usual pouting that she does when I go somewhere.  I havent gotten to see it full blown.  Its so sad.. 

Two days from now I have an awful doctor appointment I hate them. 

Sorry this blog is so all over the place.  I have been trying to get everything together properly we have so much going on in the next few weeks. 

YAY thunderstorms.. sorry I got side tracked but I love storms..  I wish I could get some good footage of the storms but my camera never wants to focus right when I try. 

anyway we have people going and coming to camps when one set gets back another set goes in the middle we have my brothers graduation party.

  my sister has her anniversary and my bestie has a bday on july 3rd!  after that we have people going to other camps we are taking everyone to the new harry potter and we are going to different mini vacations..  hey if you guys like pics check out my other website..  http://alternativesfamilypage.webs.com/  I usually post pics there of our different events and what not.  if not I always post to facebook so feel free to friend me on there as well.. 

anyway talk to you soon feel free to comment, I am trying to decide what all to blog about I have requests for different things and vids but you guys let me know.  I also have been putting up more vids on http://www.youtube.com/shikag81

I was taken off oxygen during the day a few weeks ago, its been nice to not be so tied down, but at the same time my blood pressure went through the roof and my oxygen levels drop at times and its pretty scary.  My doctors are hoping to be able to start worrying about my kidneys because now I am getting fluid around my heart.  Which is not good at all..  I have been in a ton of pain lately and I know people think I am being bitchy or whatever just because of a look I get on my face but I am still even tempered there is only so much I can do to hide the pain people..  I am sorry.  It just really upsets me when I am working my tail off and trying to have fun and just because I dont smile constantly I am being a bitch… seriously???  do you want to trade me..  you have golf balls come out of your pee hole daily and see if you can smile and get through the day..  The same people wonder why I never want to do things with them.  hmmm..  If I have a choice of spending time with people who are understanding and have fun, or spend time with someone who constantly tells me I am being a bitch and criticizes every move I make…  let me think????  oy vey!

On a happier note we had easter the other day.  The kids had a good time egg hunting and what nots.  They had some really cute baskets.  Joeys is shaped like a monkey and nathans is a robot and mjs is a bunny.  Unfortunately the birds stole 8 of mjs eggs.  I had never seen such a thing.. they werent even real eggs.  they were plastic purple eggs.  these birds kept taking off with them..  I think maybe they are just being too lazy to lay their own eggs? lol idk.. just a theory..    later on we all played different out door games and everyone took turns getting a ride on the motorcycle.  my uncle was very nice and while we were all playing games he fixed mine and my sisters windshields..  Another funny thing that happened was we all got these flavored bubbles and we were blowing them and what not and the dogs just went nuts.. they were jumping trying to catch the bubbles.. lol  saddie our rott just loved it.. 

as another side side note lol..  some people who I was friends with years ago contacted me two weeks ago, wanting me to hang out and all this stuff.  I am not sure what to think.  I know people can change but some of these people did some pretty horrible things that I can not just forget.  It caused many changes in my life.

I wanted to share it with people because I know there are people out there who need the money just as much or more than I do.  It is completely free to join and is easy as pie.

<div style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://www.cashcrate.com/2257064” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://east.machcdn.com/A8CF4D/pub/joincc_v1.png” border=”0″ /></a></div>

click that and get started.. I will see you guys later.

I am terrified to go home because there is no panic button there, and nurses to run in during the night when the alarms go off if I stop breathing.  Here if my heart rate gets to a certain point an alarm and red lights start flaahing and people run in and fix the problem.  Being alone at home with the dog a cute as heck black lab but what is he gonna do besides piss himself and leave a mess for me to clean up??!!!  I wasn’t so scared till this sleep study guy basically told me that even if I lay a certain way in bed that I will have a stroke and die in my sleep.  Which is a contridiction to what everyone else has said which is that I am doing so well.  of course he also said if you lose more than 2 lbs a week there is possibly something wrong. and everyone else says its because I am working so hard.  I am working my tail off!! Everyday I push harder and farther!  there are days where everything hurts but I push through it and keep on moving!  There is so much life to live and i wanna live it! 

The 14 year old is a girl and she was gaining and gaining, so she started getting really frustrated.  We started asking doctors and reading everything we could on proper portions, we started working out even more.  Still she gained weight, then this show comes on one night called food revolution…  Well it shined a light on something we never realized.  What is being served at school lunch!  Aside from the fact that most of it is absolutely disgusting, it is no where near a healthy meal, yet they try to say they want our kids healthy and want kids to be at a certain fitness level and give them the presidential fitness tests..  On top of that several of the schools have cut back on PE, and next year are wanting to get rid of it altogether.  Right now they get to have PE either the first half of the year or the second half.  anyway!!!!

at breakfast kids are having cereal with chocolate or strawberry milk in it, they are allowed 5 pieces of toast, they get a breakfast sandwhich and a fruit, and sometimes have breakfast pizza as well.  Yes all those things are on the tray. ( Now at home they are given a healthy cereal with white skim milk and half a banana  and 8 oz of juice.  The teens when on the go have a fruit and grain bar and half a banana with a small cup of milk) At lunch they are given almost nothing that is actually cooked there for starters, but every single day they are allowed to have pizza up to 5 dinner rolls, an extremely sugary fatening desert fruit cocktail heavy syrup, and unless they choose to go to salad bar are given no vegetable because the sauce on the pizza or ketchup given with chicken nuggets is somehow considered a vegetable according to regulations!!!!!  can you believe that????  As a family we have now watched several food related documentaries and shows that teach us as well as the kids why it is important to make the right decisions even now in their life.

We watched food inc.  super size me, killer at large why obesity.  The kids of course had tons of questions about why things are run the way they are and we put it as simply as we could that people are greedy and it all boils down to money.  They started making better choices at school and knew that they can leave things on there and make a choice of what they would like to have in the morning.  They now choose white milk and go to salad bar everyday.  They have gotten several of their friends to do so as well.  Since they started they were happy to report that the cooks started putting out more fresh vegetable choices for them.  our 14 year old has now started losing weight and is very proud of herself, for the first time today she wore a very cute girly shirt without a hoody over it.  Before she would wear a guys 3xL tshirt with a hoody over it.

I am not sure how to get the school lunches and things changed but if anyone has ideas please let me know.  Also the taking away of PE..  they are at school for nearly 8 hours sometimes longer if they are in any groups or specials.  I have thought if paying someone a salary was an issue to see if they would allow parent volunteers to come in and do PE..  Honestly how hard can it be to take role call then get them to do calisthenics and start to play dodge ball, tennis, soccer, or whatever.  We do all those things at home now, but there are so many kids that live in small apartments with no yard or live with disabled parents that cant take them out and run around so their only chance at exercise is at school.

Sorry this is so jumbled I just wanted to get it all out!

I am just trying to do some promoting so if you read this visit the site

http://www.cafepress.com/alternativecrg

http://www.piczo.com/alternatives

http://www.myspace.com/alternativescafe

Have a nice day!

Every month
on the dark moon
you appear

Every month
on the dark moon
things feel weird

Every month
on the dark moon
you cause pain

Every month
on the dark moon
its been in vein

Every month
on the dark moon
not a word is spoken

Every month
on the dark moon
I wonder if I am your token
what do you want from me
why are you here
why can’t you make things clear
until they are

I wait
for that month
on the dark moon
to be at peace, no more fear

I saw the doctor on X-mas eve in the afternoon, I had blood work done and my anemia has gotten far worse.  Rather than sending me to the hospital I begged her to let me enjoy X-Mas with my family, so she sent me home with the worst possible test you could have to do in the world.  It is horrifying and I refuse to ever do that myself again.  Every time I had to do it I got sick!!!! 

Just before new years I had to go to the doctor again and turn in this test and have blood work done again.  The test came back with some bad results.  I am still waiting on the results of the blood work.  My doctor was waiting to decide her next course of action when it comes to me. 

She thinks I might possibly have Chromes disease.  (sorry if I spelled that wrong) So I am going to be tested for that and other things she is just trying to get a second opinoin on what they want to try first before they put me through all of that torture.  She explained to me what they have to do to test for that and I cried and cried and cried.  I really do not want to do this!  I just wish I could wake up one morning healed! 

Good news though the pills that I am taking to get the fluid off my legs and what not are definately working.  Not that you want to know but I pee constantly lol.  Course it doesnt help that my mother who is convinced that I can wash away all this bad by drinking water gives me a 64 oz cup of water and has me sit there and drink it then continually fills it back up!  I have officially lost 35 lbs. since thanksgiving.  I have to say it does feel better and I can walk around quite a bit easier. 

I have been extremely tired, but my doctor told me I need to be resting.  I slept nearly the entire day before dec 30.  I just have nothing left to give.  I have never had this happen before where my whole body is so tired that I sometimes can hardly speak.  It is very painful.  I push and push and push to get myself to try and keep up with normal healthy people. 

I just wish more people would understand how it feels for me every single day that I wake up.  Everyone thinks they have the answer.  None of the people that think they do have ever had medical training at all.  Most of them barely passed high school! 

I had a huge melt  down one night because I am sick of people treating me like they know and telling me what to do.  Trying to get me to go against doctors wishes.  Yes I am more than happy to help people out who have been helping me, but don’t try to tell me to do things that are going to put me in even more pain.  I have barely been eating half the time because I just end up getting sick anyway, and here these people are eating heaping plates and having two or three plates full and sweets after that, telling me I need to excersize more and all this, keeping in mind I had been doing things for them all day long and had not sat down most of the day.  I cleaned their bathroom, did their laundry, took care of their animals, did their dishes, and cleaned two other rooms in their house.   So yes I was very tired by that point.  My sister was too, she was getting all the pet hair off of everything and it took her most of the day.  I am not even supposed to be doing the things I have been according to my doc because it could make things worse.  And hear he is wanting me to do even more than that.  Then on top of things everyone else just kind of sat there and basically I was told I have to just deal with him being rude to me and treating me like crap because sometimes he does nice things for me.  ok! 

So if this guy buys me a rose tomorrow then the next day decides he wants to beat the crap out of me is that ok too???  I mean he did do something nice for me! 

I blew up!!!!!!  Right then I just sat there and wished I wouldn’t wake up in the morning.  I am tired of being put in the middle of things and sticking up for people but no one having my back when it comes down to it.  I am tired of being so fucking sick all the time and no one really caring about it, just wishing I looked different.   

I wish I looked different too, and you know what I am trying which is more than most of the people around me are doing while they are shoveling more and more food in, and sitting on their butt in their room eating everything that doesnt eat them first!  I just can’t take this anymore.  No one really knows what it is like to be me.  To have doctors sit their and tell you at age 26 and 27 that you could very well die from this.  To feel your body dying from the inside out. 

I truly think people know when they are dying.  You can feel it.  Not that anyone wants to hear this because most people are in denial about what is going on with me.  But I guess its time that people open their eyes and be for real before its too late.  I am not going to tip toe for people anymore.  I need to take care of me the best I can and start listening to my doctor so I can be alive as long as possible.  I do not want to die at age 27 people!!!  I am not asking for a lot here I just want people to understand when you do things like that and put me in the middle of Unnecessary things my blood pressure goes way up.  When I do things I shouldn’t be doing I am putting more strain on my kidneys.  My heart starts to pound and pound and pound and feels like it will pop straight out of my chest and hurts like the devil. 

Yes I do enjoy walking around the store or the mall or even outside when its not too icy or too cold. 

I have been having spiking high tempertures so when it is that cold I don’t like to be outside because it tends to make things worse!  My friend used me as a heater because she was cold yesterday and I had such a bad fever that people could feel the heat off me from just sitting near me.  Your welcome Marie!

I am sorry for ranting on but these things need to be said and since the people that I am referring to won’t let me talk or explain things I guess you can see it in writing if you still don’t get it after that I might just stop coming around you because I have to start thinking about those kinds of things and doing what is best for me for a change.